June 3, 2007
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Maturity, is it a good thing? A Socrates Cafe Blog.
I have always wondered what maturity was. I used to look forward to getting there, but the older I get, the less hope I have of that. Or, maybe that is maturity, the realization that you don’t have all the answers and you never will. I don’t even have all the questions.
I know that I have become more mature in my career. There are things that I might have done when I was younger that I would never do now because I have been around long enough to have seen what can happen and to understand that something that may seem like a minor corner to cut can have horrifying effects. I think that that is valuable knowledge. I’m not sure that it can be imparted to others, though. I think some things have to be learned by the individual and only come with time and experience (maturity).
I also know that teaching has made me a more mature student when I take a class myself. I understand the frustration that an instructor feels when students only make a halfhearted effort. In my undergraduate years, I rarely gave my all in a class. I now know that a student hurts him/herself when he/she does that because he/she does not receive the full benefit of the class.
In my personal life, the primary sign of maturity that I see is that I have become much better at accepting the right of others to think differently than I do. That’s another personality characteristic that it would be nice to be able to teach, but I am afraid that it has to develop on its own. Some people are fortunate to develop it at a young age and some never develop it.
Sometimes I think that some young people think that to be mature is synonymous with being stuffy. I think that the opposite is true. A really mature person can appreciate the differences in lifestyle and culture and enjoy experiencing them vicariously through others. I now admire many characteristics that I used to disdain. I have also come to realize that it is OK for me to be different from other people and that sometimes when the “in group” does not seem interested in me, it is not because they are “cliquish” or “snobs.” It’s because we have nothing in common and there is no reason for them to be interested in me or me in them. Others don’t exclude us. We exclude ourselves.
So, is maturity a good thing? That’s a difficult question to answer. I am not sure that there is such a thing as maturity. I think that possibly a better term is personal growth, because each of us grows and changes constantly depending on what we have learned by living. Maturity seems, to me, to be a nebulous concept that varies with the individual. I think the best we can hope is to feel within ourselves that we have matured well.
Comments (19)
I agree with you Nancy . We mature without realize really . It is progressive . Life forces us to be mature . But this doesn’ t mean you don’ t keep in you a part of the child you have been and fortunatly . This is what allows to regenerate our mind and to be creative and evolutive .
Love
Michel.
ryc: Perhaps we’d all be better of thinking of maturity as a process of growth rather than a product of growth. And ryc: Thanks.
better off
I agree with you and Michel. I guess I am “mature” at 65, but there is still that 18 yr. old lurking somewhere inside me. When I talk with my adult and teen grandkids, I don’t feel much different from them—-except when they act immature! lol
RYC: Thanks for letting me know about the book. I checked online, and our library has it. Will get it this next week and read it. Jeff, especially, is always interested to hear about other peoples’ experiences. He has read a lot online—blogs of people who are full-timers. I am not worried about their “adventures”, I just worry about the bus breaking down in the middle of nowhere.
RYC: Glad you liked my comment and that you stopped by my site. I taught one year in Madison, MN – of course years ago.
I think my maturity and subsequent happiness came when I realized there are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes we fail to hear God say, “No.” This last week was one of those times. Without His help I could not have let Sugar go. Thank you for coming by, I really appreciate that.
RYC: thanks for the beautiful insight your service lent to your heart today. Yes, pieces of an absolute truth are, I believe, all the human mind can conceive, one strained thought after another. A lifelong process does not reveal to us, I feel, on this plane, the answers we seek, to the how’s and why’s are beyond our conception of reality. I trust in my God, my Almighty to reveal, to me, what he is desirous of me to learn, no more, no less. I am not ready for “universality of reality.” None of us are. Maybe that is why we cling to those who appear to be the intermediary between ourselves and our God. Personally, I believe everyone who speaks to me is sharing the tongue of God, not just an ordained human being. Happy Sunday, my friend and I shall talk to you both soon.
Hugs,
Lisa.
Have a nice day
It always amazes me how teenagers can be so different in their maturity. Lol at Mimiwi comment
“The older you get the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness.” Lionel Barrymore
Hi, again, Nancy!
Thanks for your comment on my new xanga page. Still not sure about the blogging thing. I’m not sure if I want to devote the time to it. We’ll see.
I like the above quote. Kinda goes along with both of your recent blogs. I find that I have more joy in my life when I’m serving, giving, and showing kindness to others. I think that’s a sign of maturity. Not to say that I’ve totally reached maturity. I still have MUCH more room to grow in this area. Just ask my husband, but that’s another story.
Funny thing that you should mention cliques and snobs. I have my own story on those topics from recent days, but it’s a private story. I also read your old blog from 2003 about friendship and Peter Noone. I am beginning to think that my initial instincts about being a Peter Noone fan or fanatic or noonatic, if you will, were right. I thnk there it’s a delicate balancing act and one can cross the line and leave all that’s truly important in your life–your family and “real” friends–behind. God and my family are now and always will be the most important focuses in my life. A local PN concert here and there adds to the spice of life, but can’t replace what’s truly important.
What have I been doing??? Still working full time as an editor for Ingenix–at home, which is a blessing! Spending qualitiy time with my husband now that the last kid has graduated high school. (Although the kids keep coming back home–perhaps a topic for a blog.) Taking care of my elderly mother and mother-in-law. Serving in my church and the community. Teaching three- and four-year-olds about Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, in our church’s Sunday school. Helping my husband lead our small group. Going to New Orleans three times in the past year on mission trips with a group from my church to help with the cleanup from Hurricane Katrina.
One of our pastor’s sermons recently was what to do with your dash–that dash between your year of birth and your year of death. I want to use my dash well. I hope I’ve made a good start and I am by no means finished now–unless God wills it.
Back to the frienship topic…Last week a friend of mine (Linda) and I drove to Atlantic City, NJ (the first one I’ve attended in over a year and the farthest I’ve gone) to see Peter Noone and Herman’s Hermits. We had our pictures taken with Peter at the DO and listened to his ramblings when he answered questions from his fans. (I had three questions but we got there a bit late and didn’t get the cards filled out. Some other time, perhaps.) Linda and I had a wonderful time together. Linda hadn’t been to AC for years and there were many changes to see. I’ve only been there once with my husband on business. Peter was there for four nights of concerts. Linda and I only saw Saturday night’s concert. Our husbands wanted us back home. Linda’s husband says he can’t believe his wife is turning into a groupee. BUT, he’s glad we’re doing fun things together. It’s amazing that Linda and I have known each other for almost 10 years but only recently did I learn that she had liked Herman’s Hermits as a teenager. It’s great having a “true” friend that I can share Peter with. Linda and I already had a friendship that started with our faith. That’s our most important bond as friends. That we like Peter and go to concerts together is a wonderful thing, but not the only basis for our friendship.
Ta ta for now. Hope to see you sometime soon.
Ginie54
…and after re-reading my comment, I realize I should have edited before sending. Yes, editors can make mistakes. :O)
Very well put. I like that you said we should perhaps consider it personal growth rather than maturity. What markers or signs do we use to determine a person’s level of growth? Is it mature of us to judge the maturity of others based on markers or signs of behavior, etc. that can be largely stereotypical? These are just some random questions that have crossed my mind in regards to maturity… not per se a response to your post… hope you don’t mind.
tx_christian, I am not sure that we are supposed to measure the growth of others. I am not sure that we have the right to apply our standards to others in that way. I think the measuring that we should do is of ourselves. I think we measure ourselves by considering what we would like to be and comparing where we are in the journey with that standard.
An unspoken facet of Maturing is the direction this may take. Some of us seem to mature into rather sour citizens, suspicious and critical of a world we did not expect and do not especially like, while others of us see the world as constantly changing to offer new wonders.
Far too many “Senior Citizens” are trapped in the maturity of impatient and intolerant frustration, and far too few really enjoying life as it comes.
Making lemonade when life has tossed you a few lemons is really difficult, just as it’s difficult to realize that your physical reality no longer matches that eager youth that’s really you inside.
It’s still fun to imagine yourself as a youngster and to try to live up to your imagination
Your approch to maturity seem to lead to a broader more open mindset while most people seem to grow more narrow minded as they age. Why would you tink people live a long live and never reach your picture of maturity?
Zeal, I am not convinced that most people become more narrow minded as they age, although I agree that some do. Why do people live a long life and never reach maturity? Well, it’s not an answer, but it’s for the same reason that some of my online college students seem to want to pay heflty tuition and learn nothing at all from the class. In fact, some of them work very hard at not learning anything. It puzzles me. Some people are just very, very resistant to change.
I think part of it may be that some people are just not able to look outside of themselves for anything. What do you think?
I got the following quote and thought it might add to the discussion:
“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” - Henri-Louis Bergson
Zeal, do you think that everyone does that successfully?
Well said.