As some of you know, I live in a very small town. Our population is about 2000, and we are bigger than many of the towns around us. I did not grow up in a small town, though, so I notice some things that are in sharp contrast to the way that things happen in a city. One of those contrasting events happened last Friday. Our bank, which is owned by one of my close friends, invited the town to dinner. The event received some very nice publicity in our local paper, but I had forgotten the date until I went through the drive-thru to cash a check last Friday afternoon. When the teller opened the drawer for me to put in my paperwork, she said, "Hi! Do you want a donut?" The thought went through my mind that, while that is a very friendly offer, it is also a highly unusual type of transaction at a drive-thru window! At least at a bank drive-thru!

When I declined the donut, the teller then reminded me that I should attend the bank's celebration at the Community Hall that evening. Since the owner of the bank is a close friend, I went home and told my husband, who had also forgotten that the event was that day, that we should go. The occasion was the bank's 110th anniversary, so this banner greeted us from the front of the stage. I know it looks like it says 10 years, but it really does say 110 years. And, yes, that is a band on the stage.

There was a guest book for us to sign, and as we entered the hall, my friend's son, who is one of the bank officers, was standing there giving out little gifts. There was a sign that said "One gift per family," so I said to my husband, "It says 'one gift per family,' Dan. What shall we choose?" As soon as I said that, my friend's son grabbed the sign and said that he was putting it away just for us. I quickly grabbed 2 of the 3 choices, said thank you, and walked off wishing that I had kept my big mouth shut!

Dinner was a hot roast beef sandwich catered by one of the restaurants in town and served buffet style.

There was also a line with chicken wings, various crudites, and beverages. Waitresses delivered birthday cake to the tables.

While I was in the food line, which stretched 2/3 of the way around the hall, I snapped this picture of the crowd enjoying the meal.

I also took this one of the band, a regional polka band which is greatly enjoyed in this German community. Note the keyboardist playing the keyboard with one hand while he also plays the trombone. Saves on band salary, I guess!

The bank served over 1500 dinners that evening. Everyone had a great time. It was very appropriate that the event was held in the Community Hall, because the land for the hall was donated to the town by my friend's mother, who owned the bank before my friend inherited it. The hallmark of that family is generosity. They are some of the nicest people I have ever known. Our Community Hall is one of the biggest and nicest in our area. Because of that, it is very busy, which brings visitors to the hall into the other businesses in the community. It's been a great addition to our town.

Has your bank ever invited you to dinner?

OK, the Christmas tree skirt is finished, and I thought that some of you might like to see it. I am happy with the way it turned out. Now I just hope that my daughter likes it. I will give it to her on Thursday.

Today, I went Christmas shopping with my daughter-in-law's mother. I can't believe that it is time to get ready for Christmas already! I am finished buying for my daughter-in-law and have a couple of things for each of my grandchildren. I know what I want to get my husband and my daughter. Now, if I could just get my son-in-law to give me some suggestions, I would be all set!

This week's topics for Socrates Cafe are "What is art?" and "What is integrity?" There is some lively discussion of both topics on the site.

I choose to write on "What is integrity?"

The quick and easy answer to that question is that integrity is personal morality, that is, being honest, standing up for one's beliefs, being a champion of righteous causes, and all the other qualities that are part of personal morality. Certainly those are part of integrity, but I think it is more than that.

The word integrity also means to keep whole or in perfect condition. I think that applies to the integrity of the person as well as to the integrity of the bridge. To show real integrity involves a certain amount of concern for the condition of oneself.

It is so easy in our culture to become so busy that we become fragmented. We are pulled in many directions and asked to be responsible for many things at the same time, resulting in inability to do anything really well. That is a breach of integrity. To have good integrity means to be able to limit ones responsibilities to the number that can be well carried out.

I believe that the definition of integrity as wholeness also involves attention to the spiritual. By spiritual, I do not necessarily mean religion. Some people can be deeply spiritual without being religious. To be whole means having a concern for the health of mind as well as body, though, and reaching inner peace by whatever means it can be reached.

Under this definition, integrity would include developing satisfying relationships, since that is part of being a whole and healthy person. So, integrity requires attending to those people who are important in our lives.

Within the broad scope of this definition, real integrity would also include caring for one's health, since to be whole requires maintaining the optimum level of health. I do not think that necessarily means being totally healthy. It means achieving the highest level of health possible at that time.

So, under my definition, to have real integrity, a person must be able to prioritize and to determine what is really important. He/she must be able to manage his/her life so that he/she can accomplish what is needed and do it well. He/she must guard and protect friendships and take care of his/her own physical and mental well being. He/she must also have a well thought out and well developed moral code. That is a person with integrity, a person who is whole.

I have joined another blog ring. The goal of this blogring is to get to know other Xangans and to engage in respectful discussion in order to build a worldwide community. The first assignment is to respond to the following statements in order to begin getting to know each other.

1. I am a TALKER. / I am a LISTENER.

I have always been a talker. I tend to talk more than I should most of the time. It is not one of my more endearing qualities. I can also be a very good listener. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to focus on that. Listening is by far the harder of the two skills. Many people never learn to do it. It is worth trying to master, though, because it is listening, not talking, that makes other people feel good. By the way, although I can be a good listener, I am not a master.

2. I am a READER/ I am a WRITER.

I am a voracious reader. In my job, I read scientific material. For pleasure, I prefer mindless fiction. I think that reading is important because it develops thinking. What a person reads is not as important as the fact that they do read.

I am also a writer. That is why I became a Xangan. I enjoy writing. Someday, I hope to publish some of my writing.

3. I am an ARTIST/ I admire art./ I don't care about art.

I am an artist to the extent that I enjoy creative activities like writing and sewing. I do not create paintings or sculpture. I used to think that I would like to paint. Perhaps someday. Perhaps not. I would also like to quilt.

4. I believe in a Spiritual essence./ I am skeptical of Spirituality.

I am a practicing Roman Catholic and I believe that there is a God. I am not a traditional Catholic because I entertain some beliefs that are not supported by my religion. I am open to the idea of reincarnation, which is not to say that I believe that it is a fact, I just do not believe that it is not a fact. I feel a strong spiritual connection to some people. Some of those connections do not make much sense in terms of the relationships that I have with those people. The idea that we may be souls who are traveling together seems like something that could explain those connections. On the other hand, I have a very good imagination. That could also account for it. There is no way to know, is there?

At this point in my life, I have come to believe that everybody is a prophet and can come to know the truths of the universe by looking inside themselves. What is taught in religions is a guide, but what each person believes has to come from within. I would like to be profound, but I am not.

5. I care deeply about the state of the world/ I am apathetic about current events/ I am satisfied with life as I know it.

I care about the state of the world. I am not as aware of it as I should be because I often do not do the reading that would keep me aware. I do believe in the connections between people, though, and I think that what affects one person basically affects all of us, so what happens in one part of the world affects everyone. I am constantly surprised at how small the world is becoming. I also believe that we are given way too much information sometimes in today's world.

This is an entry for the Internet Island Blogring. The leader of the blogring is Baldmike. It looks like some interesting things are going to be happening there.

I am sewing today. I am making a new Christmas tree skirt for my daughter as a gift for her wedding anniversary. I enjoy sewing and I don't do it as much as I did in the past.

The pattern for this skirt is a Vogue pattern. Vogue patterns always make me think of my Aunt Beth. She was a beautiful seamstress. I can remember a time when I was in high school and her daughter Jane was in college. Jane came home over Christmas break and she and my aunt went shopping for patterns and fabric for some new clothes for her. One of the fabrics they picked out was a very fine wool to be made into a dress. The pattern for the dress was a vogue pattern. My Aunt Beth growled over that pattern a lot while she was making the dress. Vogue patterns are very stylish, which often translates to difficult. When you cut out a garment, you often cut on a double layer of fabric so that the two sides of the item are mirror images of each other. That was not the case with this dress. Each part of the dress had a separate pattern piece which had to be cut from a single layer, requiring much more time and effort than usual. There were also an unusually large number of pieces. Aunt Beth worked very hard and complained very loudly about it. The dress was beautiful, though, just as stylish as anything you could buy in the finest shop.

I often think of my Aunt Beth when I sew. It is one of the hobbies that we shared. Now that she is no longer living, sewing often makes me feel a connection to her. That may be real or imagined, but I feel it in any case. When I handle a Vogue pattern, I feel it even more.

This is my entry for this week's discussion on Socrates Cafe. The questions this week are "What is a hero?" and "If we were not equipped with sight would, we still have prejudice?" There is some lively discussioin going on. Go check it out.

If we were not equipped with sight, would we still have prejudice?

It seems to me that the sense of sight and the formation of prejudice are not necessarily related. Certainly, we can form prejudice based on what we see. My husband and I like to travel and are very fond of the Caribbean. I have friends who very much dislike the Caribbean based on what they see there. Many people there live in housing that would be considered primitive by our standards. Their lifestyle is quite different. That is why we love it and why some others hate it. It is not the sights that cause that, though, it is the meaning that we give to those sights. Each person who visits a particular place, sees a group of people, or sees a painting has a similar experience. It is the meaning that we give to those experiences that causes us to react so differently.

Prejudice can form in many ways. We may generalize from the actions of a minority to the characteristics of a group. That has happened recently to Muslim people because of the actions of terrorists. Terrorists are radicals and do not represent the mainstream Muslim religion, yet some people condemn the whole group based on the actions of a few.

We may also form prejudice out of fear or misunderstanding. I teach ESL. Most of my students are Hispanic. I live in a very small community. Until recently, everyone in this community has been white and has come from a similar background. Now we have a large population of Hispanic people. Most of them do not speak English. Their culture is very different from ours and they are very dedicated to maintaining it. They face horrible prejudice. Many local people are afraid of them and do not trust them. I tell my students that learning to speak English so that people can get to know them is the best thing they can do to reduce the prejudice and make life better for themselves. As long as few people know them, they are lumped as a group and whatever conclusions people reach about one member of the group are applied to the whole group. Hispanic people are like any other people. Some are very nice and some are not. Until the community can get to know them individually, though, bad experiences with one are applied to all. Lack of understanding of their culture and their ways accentuates that, and prejudice runs high.

We collect the information that we use to form prejudice in many ways. It can come from what we see and hear. It can come from the way we are treated. The media certainly contributes. Our families and our culture build in prejudice as we grow up. Everyone has prejudice. A person who says that he or she does not is demonstrating prejudice against prejudice. As long as those around us share our prejudices, the prejudice is invisible. It is only when we meet someone whose prejudice is different that we see the prejudice and we usually see that person as wrong.

It is very important to understand that prejudice and all our other feelings come from within ourselves. They are caused by the meanings that we assign to the events in our lives. That is why some people consider a sunny 95 degree day to be beautiful and others (like me) consider it to be way too hot. It's why some people like red and some like blue.

So,my answer to the question "If we were not equipped with sight, would we still have prejudice?" is yes. Prejudice is part of being human. It will always be here. It comes from the meanings that we attach to things, not from sensory input. As long as we think, we will have prejudice. We could reduce it within ourselves if we would stop and honestly ask ourselves why we think, feel, and believe the way we do from time to time. It's my opinion that we cannot change the prejudice of others. Each person has to do it for him/herself.

Here are just a few of my random thoughts. Most of them are original with me. A few are quotes of things I have heard over the years. There is no theme to this.

Take your walks when the sun is low in the sky. Your shadow is tall and thin then.

Santa Claus needs a key these days.

Have a great weekend!

The subject choices this week on Socrates Cafe are "What is an excellent death?" and "What is love?" I found the choice to be difficult, not because I have so much to say about those topics, but because I am not sure that I really have anything very interesting or profound to say. I did choose to write about an excellent death after some internal debate.

Having worked in health care for some 35 years now, either as an RN or as an educator, I have come to the conclusion that our culture and particularly the health care profession, does not handle death very well. It is often seen as a failure, something that should not happen and is to be prevented at all costs. When you think about it, that really makes no sense, because it is the one thing that we all have in common and that we cannot avoid. We are all going to die.

If we accept that fact, then death should not be a topic of horror and something to be avoided, yet for many people it is. Why is that? It is a natural phenomenon.

Several years ago, I took a class sponsored by the thanatology program at the University of Minnesota. It was really a very good class and one of the speakers there particularly impressed me. He said that one of the reasons that we fear death so much in our culture is that we do not value life. That really struck me as a very wise statement. The point was that we do not welcome life. We limit family size so that we can have more possessions because we think that that is what makes life worthwhile. In the end, though, we cannot take those possessions with us. In order to enjoy them, we must continue to live. To die, then, becomes to leave behind everything that we value.

I know that I have made some choices that favor possessions over life. My husband and I had 2 children. We did that deliberately because we thought that it would make it easier for us to give them the lives that we wanted them to have. We instilled that value in them, also. Our daughter has 2 children and does not plan to have more. Our son has 1 child, and we are not sure whether or not he and his wife will have more. Does that help to increase material wealth? It certainly does. Does it show a value for life? I am not sure. Do I think that valuing life affects the way we see death? I definitely do.

I do think that there are other factors besides limiting family size that show a lack of value for life. In our culture, I do not think that family size is going to increase. We are socialized to have small families and that is ingrained in us. But we can look at how we manage our personal and family lives. We can examine our values.

I think that the first step towards having an excellent death is to have an excellent life, and the first step towards doing that is to really get to know yourself. What are your beliefs? What is important to you? How do you act on those things? How do you value life?

One thing that I have realized in life is that people are more important than things. Having friends in your home is more important than having a spotless house. I am not always very good at reaching out to people. I admire those who are. I have learned, though, that the people that I hold dear are very important and that I need to work to maintain my relationships with them. I need to put the time and effort into maintaining the contact and scheduling time together with them. If I have to let other things go in order to do that, then that is the way it has to be.

I need to look at what makes life meaningful to me. My husband and I like to travel. We like our family to go with us. We also like to go with friends. Traveling provides us with wonderful memories and shared experiences that cannot be taken away from us. It is a high priority for us. It is part of what makes life worth living.

I think that contributing to other people in whatever way we can is also a way that we value life. My husband is better at that than I am. Each of us has talents that need to be shared and it is up to us to find ways to do that. We are not always aware of the ways in which we affect other people, but we surely do affect them. I think the most profound effects that we have are often from the simplest actions. If we have tried to make our impact on others positive, that goes a long way to making our lives worthwhile and our deaths excellent.

To me, some degree of spirituality is also important. That may take the form of an organized religion or just a set of personal beliefs. It may include a belief in a higher power or just a concern for personal growth and goodness, including a concern for others and for the world around us. In any case, it helps us to be the people that we want and were meant to be, again making life worthwhile and showing a value and appreciation for it. If a person's belief system includes a belief in an afterlife, life becomes a continuum and the focus shifts away from the act of dying to the continuation of living. No matter what the belief system, though, attention to personal spirituality brings inner peace, and peace is a quality that contributes to an excellent death.

Intellectual development is also important in living an excellent life. That is what drew me to Socrates Cafe. I value discussion and sharing of ideas. It develops the mind and the soul, making me a better person. I need to make time for it. It is another pathway to an excellent death.

So, to me, the concept of an excellent death does not include the time or conditions surrounding that death. Rather, an excellent death is one that follows an excellent life. An excellent life is one in which the person has given thought to what is important and has made the effort to do those things, whatever they might be. It is different for each person and it is not necessary for us to understand the choices made by others. It is only necessary to make our own choices thoughtfully and with purpose, to welcome life and to value it. Then, when it is time, death will be excellent.

Go Gopher!
The teams at the University of Minnesota are called the Gophers. Yes, I know that is not a fierce fighting animal, but that is what they are called. Anyway, their mascot is a huge gopher wearing a U of M jersey and sometimes basketball shorts or jogging pants. The University wanted him to have a fine, masculine name, so they call him Goldy. To top it all off, Goldy is really a chipmunk, not a gopher. If there was ever anything that was less benign than a gopher, it's a chipmunk. Anyway, here is Goldy.

My husband and son have always been great fans of the Gophers. They support the athletic teams, and we all enjoy the marching band, which is one of the largest in the country. Each year, they present an indoor concert. They march in and out playing their cadence as they go. If you're not familiar with the U of M cadence, it's really great. It even has lyrics. Really inspiring ones like Ski-U-Mah! You all know and love Ski-U-Mah!, right? The band usually stands in the aisles of Northrup Auditorium and plays the Battle Hymn of the Republic on the way out at the end of the concert. If you have never been in the middle of a really large band when they play that song, you have missed a very impressive experience. It makes you tear up and catch your breath. It also makes your heart stop if you are next to the bass drum! Goldy is a prominent part of these concerts as well as performing at half time at games.

When our kids were growing up, we took them to the Indoor Marching Band Concert most years. It was a beloved family tradition. We have taken our grand daughter Madison, and, this year, we are also taking Ryan and Jake. Andy, our son and Jake's dad, is looking forward to taking Jake to the concert. Jake, at 2, can already sing the Rouser, so he should be a lot of fun to watch.

When Andy was little, I made him a Gopher suit for Halloween one year because he was such a fan of Goldy. Andy loved that suit. In fact, he wore that suit out. He played in it and he slept in it. It was all we could do to get him to wear anything else. Naturally, when we decided to take Jake to the concert this year, Andy wanted him to have a Gopher suit, so this past weekend, I made him one. Here's Jake in the suit, front and back views. That's Andy standing there on the left (you will all recognize him next time you see him, right?), Jake's mom, Jess, with her arm up in the air, and me on the corner of the couch. I think Jake looks very cute. I didn't make the jersey. Andy and Jess supplied that.

Next weekend, Jake will wear the suit for a Halloween party and to go trick or treating. Andy and Jess are also taking him to a Gopher game and he will wear it then. Andy is going to try to take him down on the field so he can meet Goldy. Jake should like that.

It was fun to make the costume. Even more fun was watching Andy watch his little boy in the costume. I know that it brought back nice memories of Andy's childhood for both of us.

Simone_de_Beauvoir has challenged readers to write about the definition of beauty.

I think what is considered beautiful depends on what is being discussed. Certainly, there is a difference between a beautiful animal, a beautiful day, and a beautiful painting. All of those are subjective concepts and the definitions would vary considerably. A beautiful day would vary with the season, also. In Minnesota in January, 15 degrees might be a lovely day, especially if it was crisp and sunny. That would definitely not be true in July!

With so many possible types of beauty from which to choose, obviously it is necessary to narrow the topic. I choose to write about what I think makes a person beautiful.

If you have not heard the old cliche' "Beauty is only skin deep," I am kind of wondering where you have been hibernating. Even the topic of physical beauty is so large that it is not practical for a blog discussion because the picture of physical beauty varies with culture, age, and individual. For me, it is easier to go beneath the skin to identify beauty.

I think a person is beautiful if he/she has the skill of really focusing and listening when others talk. It seems to me that not many people do that these days. I don't know if the "me" generation really exists, because this phenomenon seems to exist across all age groups with many people today being so turned inward that they are barely aware of anyone else, let alone able to really attend to them. It is a wonderful experience to talk to someone who is really in the moment with you, listening and attempting to understand what you mean and how you feel. It's beautiful!

Beauty is also being there when a friend needs you, not just if it is convenient, but being someone who can be depended upon to share the important events of life. Someone who admires your newborn and helps to bury your dead. Someone who will hem a skirt for you, fix his/her specialty dish for your party (and share the recipe), and wipe your kids' runny noses. A beautiful person laughs uproariously with you and holds you while you cry. He/she also knows when each of those is appropriate.

A beautiful person is generous. Not financially or materially generous, but generous of spirit. He/she gives of self, whether it is a cup of coffee or a hug. He/she shares his/her personality, thoughts, and ideas with you so that you have the privilege of knowing him/her better. He/she also appreciates knowing you. He/she does not indulge in jealousy, which is destructive. Rather, a beautiful person rejoices with you in your good fortune, understands that all relationships are not the same, doesn't worry about his/her position in your life, but is secure that it is as it should be.

A beautiful person also loves him/herself and can set limits on others so that his/her integrity is protected and respected, is aware of his/her own needs and sees that they are met. He/she is comfortable with him/herself and able to keep him/herself whole.

I don't think anyone is beautiful all the time. Most of us can only hope for sometimes. We can try to make those times more frequent. Life is better when they are.

How many beautiful people do you know?