January 31, 2005
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Lately, I have been thinking about what it means to support someone. That topic has been on my mind because I have been watching a rather heated discussion about it. It seems that some people confuse support with agreement. Those people indicate that they believe that if you do not “approve” of something, you are not showing support.
I see it all quite differently. I think that when you really offer someone your support, the message you send to them says, “I respect you and I have confidence in your ability to choose for yourself, even when the majority does not agree with your choice.” I don’t think support means blindly labeling everything a person does as right, either morally or under the law. (And, by the way, there is a very significant difference between morally right and legally right.) I don’t think support involves labeling at all. I don’t think we have the right to label others. We have a legal system to take care of infractions with the law and God can handle the rest. That means that those of us who are not legal eagles and not God do not have to worry about approving or disapproving of the actions of our friends. (I do believe that parents play a different role with their children. Determining right and wrong is part of that role. That’s a different blog.)
I think real support involves listening and trying to understand why someone is thinking and feeling the way he or she does. It means saying, “I am there for you.” It means empowering them to think for themselves. It means being there even when, or maybe especially when, you do not agree with them. It means recognizing the basic goodness of the person, not claiming to see a perfection that is not there. Perfection does not exist in human beings or in their creations. To say that a person is only worthy if they are perfect is to say that you do not want that person to be human. Dehumanization is not support, and turning away from someone because you have judged that person imperfect is not morality. In the same way, claiming that a person is incapable of mistakes is not a compliment. Support means saying, “I like the person that you are. You do not have to be something you are not in order to receive my respect and support.”
Comments (16)
Nicely said…
sending you hug’s today and a pat on the back. lov and hugs fancy
Nancy you don’t often post but when you post it ‘ s always deep .
I agree absolutly with what you say . To support is to listen to without to judge into a benevolent relation between human beings .
Thanks for your kind comment .
Love
Michel
As everone else has commented on well said that we cannot put it better ourselves
. People need support at different times of their lives and its great to give support to someone too 
Oh I agree. You can support a person, even if you don’t agree with the choices they make.
Hi Nance1. Thanks for your comment! Yeah, my state is empty but we gotta watch out for Area 51, cuz it could be anywhere. The Agents in Area 51 tend to vaporize first and ask questions later. One of these days I’ll get a love life! Just you wait and see!
Absolutely spot-on! (sorry, been watching too much British TV lately!)
My comments about the American style haiku has inflamed a lot of you! I suppose I was a bit savage, but writers do have strong views.
As I strongly and unequivocatory believe in no God, and that I also believe that the law is made more to protect governments rather than it’s people, well I am sorry…
Gee I best print that out. Could of used it last week when a breakdown of communication occurred. I just think when you tell someone they are… use any name you prefer, you aren’t being supportive. You don’t have to agree with me but if you call me names I don’t see that as a friend.
AAAMEN!!!!
What a great entry, you have echoed what’s on mind !!! Often I am afraid to say what’s on my mind for fear of not being thought “supportive” *sigh*
I was just about to jump in and totally agree with you and I almost do! But there are areas in which I would have to draw the line. Like say if someone I knew had the AIDS virus and was deliberately having unsafe sex with people because of anger or bitterness for which I can sympathize. Or if I had knowledge that a close friend or relative was responsible for serious crimes or murders that devastated people or communities. After long sleepless nights and fits of crying I would finally do the right thing and turn ‘em in. That’s probably not very supportive depending upon which angle you look at it. But that’s what I’d do. At least I hope I’d do the right thing, God only knows what I would really do in such a situation.
Amen
Me, too!!!
Absolutely!
ryc: Thanks for the birthday wishes.
Interesting blog. I find people confuse immorality and illegality and pass the buck to their God or Jesus when they don’t want to take responsibility but want support.